Bruce Irons can do whatever he wants on his surfboard. So, it’s really no surprise Volcom gave him his own super-functional surf trunk. Four way stretch, great colors, etc. But…I bet you didn’t know the Brucifer would rather be trying to out-flank 15 year-old brats from all over the world playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2? He told me he wants to be a professional gamer. I told him he needs to get the game on xBox 360 and not play it on that George Foreman Grille looking system with crappy servers first.

SHUT skateboards exploded onto the NY scene back in the late 80s. I remember some of the SHUT kids coming up to New England for skate contests. God were they good. Now, making a comeback of sorts, SHUT has some solid shapes, a banger team & are poised to return to their former glory. This deck is called the Old Glory, very fitting.

These trunks have a very intimidating name. VaporSkin Ninja sounds like some G.I. Joe character I had when I was 10. Besides a serious name, the trunks have water repellent technology to fight the wet trunk chafe you can get when you leave the water. You know what else has water repellent technology? A duck. What did they do – rub a duck all over the trunks? Not likely, ducks are really squirmy when you pick them up, it would be hard enough to hold one, never mind rub its oily feathers all over a pair of trunks.

I consider Jason Ellis to have one of the best vert skating styles. He started as an amazing vert dog back in the 90s. As of recently, has become one of the most hilarious voices on Sirius satellite radio. Why just the other day, he almost made me crash my car. I was laughing so hard at him being hit with a baseball bat during some game where you text your loved ones random quotes from Mel Gibson’s recent tirade. Believe me, the shit is funny…and I know funny. Globe’s new shoe, the Pulse, features carbon fiber. If you listen to the Jason Ellis show, you know he loves him some carbon fiber.

Spshhh! That’s the sound your watch will help you make when cracking cold ones with a flick of your wrist. It’s safe to assume, if you get this watch, time telling features are coming in second to it’s ability to liberate a bottle cap from a cold frosty one.

Ed Templeton is an artsy fellow. He’s had some pretty major art shows in the past. Teen Smokers being the one that got the most hype. He also likes to take a lot of nude art photos of his wife & draw little characters that squirt blood out of their heads. Ed has been a fixture of the skateboard world, since he first broke onto the scene back in the New Deal days. Now, after starting a successful skateboard brand – Toy Machine – he is lending his talents to his long time shoe sponsor:  Emerica. Leo Romeros & Ed have come together to make a shoe that looks like a race car. I wonder if it makes you skate or run faster…like I used to think those Zips shoes would ?

Let’s just get right to the point, shall we? There’s a serpent being choked front & center on these trunks. What does that mean? Is there a hidden message in there somewhere? No, I think the message is pretty front & center. I do think a chicken being choked would have been funnier though.

A fish-eye view of the world – that’s what this camera will give you. The special Ripcurl Fisheye Edition shoots 35mm photos with a 170 degree view of the world around you. What does that mean? You can get everything in the frame. Sounds super artsy to me.

Bueller, Bueller…anyone, anyone? Quiksilver’s new shades pay homage to Matthew Broderick’s classic character, Ferris Bueller. Grab a pair and you could instantly pass for Abe Froman.

Sean Sheffey makes me nervous, so I’m going to keep this short. Just go buy his new shoe by ‘eS. No, that’s it…really. If I say anything remotely wise ass, I’m afraid he will come out from under my bed at night and get me. Legend says, if you say his name three times in the mirror he will…never mind, I have said too much already.