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DC Lunchmeat Boardshorts

These toothy boardhorts by DC can’t make me stop thinking about getting bit in the crotch by a shark. I can’t really imagine a worse way to go. I do not recommend these shorts for women, it might send a weird message.

Buy It Also posted in Gear, Style

Elephant Surf Josh Kerr Pro Model at awsm.com
Elephant Surf Josh Kerr Pro Model

Josh Kerr absolutely rips on a surfboard. I should know, I was having a coronary in the announcing booth at The Quiksilver Pro NY surf contest last week when Kerrzy decided to go apeshit and turn his heat into a video part. These pro-model shorts are an undergarment of sorts. Meant to be worn under your board shorts to keep the boys in check. They act as a compression short. This can be very important if you suffer from the dreaded long nut* syndrome or if you are going anywhere that sea lice can sting you on your pee pee.

* From Urban Dictionary
Long Nut: when a man’s scrotum becomes stretched out over time and hangs lower than it should.
i.e.-you know you have long nuts when you get a temperature reading of toilet water whenever you take a number two.
potential causes: inadequate support for the hairy beanbag during impact sports

Buy It $59 Also posted in Style

Quit Mad Stop Trunks at awsm.com
Quit Mad Stop Trunks

Quit Mad Stop trunks have a vintage beach look I think would look great with a mustache and a single fin. If you’re looking to accessorize your facial hair and have already done the cut-off jeans and fixed gear bike, this may be your next step to making everyone at the beach believe you’re from Brooklyn.

Buy It $210 Also posted in Style

Element Skateboards Ready Aim Stripe Boardshorts at awsm.com
Element Skateboards Ready Aim Stripe Boardshorts

Element wants you to know it’s ok to skateboard in boardshorts. Usually a clowned upon offense, they have a new video showing someone doing a back tail slide in a pool wearing a pair of Ready Aim Stripe trunks. I think there are far too many rules about what you can and can’t do and what makes you look like a kook. I say, if you’re having a good time, you should wear a speedo.

Buy It $49.99 Also posted in Style

Quiksilver NFL Boardshorts at awsm.com
Quiksilver NFL Boardshorts

Quiksilver will be responsible for some heated chest-puffing exchanges at the local watering hole this summer. Your favorite NFL teams licensed on Quiksilver’s Diamond Dobby trunks. This summer, it’s the Chargers and the Oakland Raiders. I know Pipeline charger and over-sized man-baby Reef Macintosh almost tinkled himself when he got his new San Diego Chargers trunks in the mail.

Buy It $59.50 Also posted in Style

Quiksilver Cypher Squirter Boardshorts at awsm.com
Quiksilver Cypher Squirter Boardshorts

Quik’s Cypher board shorts have little plastic squirt guns on them. That’s why they’re called the squirters. I knew someone we called “The Squirter” in high school … although, for a totally different reason.

Buy It $59.50 Also posted in Style

D Lush Board Short at awsm.com
D Lush Board Short

Normally, I wouldn’t go near Metal Mulisha’s clothing line with a ten foot, tattoo-covered, stripper pole. However, due to the excitement everyone’s having over beer carriers, I’m making an exception. The D-Lush board short is the Lake Havasu special. Load ‘em up with beer and make really poor decisions all day long.

Buy It $65 Also posted in Style

Oakley Blade Boardshorts at awsm.com
Oakley Blade Boardshorts

When I hear the words Oakley and Blade, I think mullets, the late 80s and neon pink. Seems now, Oakley wants you to think of men’s trunks. The Blade trunk features a removable inner compression short keeping sea lice from stinging you on your pee stick. A really good thing if you’re in the tropics…nobody likes a stinging hotdog.

Buy It $110 Also posted in Style

Quiksilver Custom Trunks Designed By You at awsm.com
Quiksilver Custom Trunks Designed By You

Have you ever thought you had a better idea for surf trunks than Quiksilver? Well, here’s your chance to put up or shut up. Design your own boardies with a ton of options. I designed a pair the other day … I really did.

Buy It $99 Also posted in Style

Reef Collector Ed 1 Boardshort at awsm.com
Reef Collector Ed 1 Boardshort

Put some butts on your butt. Reef has always been known as the company with the asses in the ads. Well … they’ve taken their successful formula and dropped it on some trunks in time for summer.

Buy It $60 Also posted in Style
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