Wampawear 2014

The only real problem is lacing your boots and strapping in, but other than that…

These toothy boardhorts by DC can’t make me stop thinking about getting bit in the crotch by a shark. I can’t really imagine a worse way to go. I do not recommend these shorts for women, it might send a weird message.

The new Nixon Supertide is a surfers best friend. With tide forecasts for over 200 beaches across the globe, you will never again have a session ruined by a drained or swamped out spot. The Supertide features a incredibly clear and easy to read face that handles glare like a champ. With 5 colors to choose from, this watch can fit any fashion need. Good looking and functional, everything we expect from Nixon.

Matt Wilkinson has the best wetsuits ever.  This one is in honor of France’s topless beach bonanza.

Josh Kerr absolutely rips on a surfboard. I should know, I was having a coronary in the announcing booth at The Quiksilver Pro NY surf contest last week when Kerrzy decided to go apeshit and turn his heat into a video part. These pro-model shorts are an undergarment of sorts. Meant to be worn under your board shorts to keep the boys in check. They act as a compression short. This can be very important if you suffer from the dreaded long nut* syndrome or if you are going anywhere that sea lice can sting you on your pee pee.

* From Urban Dictionary
Long Nut: when a man’s scrotum becomes stretched out over time and hangs lower than it should.
i.e.-you know you have long nuts when you get a temperature reading of toilet water whenever you take a number two.
potential causes: inadequate support for the hairy beanbag during impact sports

You know what? I think that I have seen some feet that actually look worse than these novelty sandals. People, it’s summer time, cut your friggen’ toe nails. Seriously, if your feet look like they belong on an undead brain craving creature from the crypt, get yourself a pedi.

I love this shirt. It’s like the owl is asking who farted with his weird owl talk. My daughter sleeps in a child-size version. In our house, there’s never a question about whoo farted.

Have you ever wanted to be mistaken for Bill Cosby? Well, now you can. As well as, many other famous tv & screen icons … please tell me there’s a Gary Busey.

Quit Mad Stop trunks have a vintage beach look I think would look great with a mustache and a single fin. If you’re looking to accessorize your facial hair and have already done the cut-off jeans and fixed gear bike, this may be your next step to making everyone at the beach believe you’re from Brooklyn.